Fun Fun Fun...

  So I decided that MS sucks...those of us with the disease know this...and complaining about it isn't making it go away (although I will continue to vent from time to time). So today's blog is something far more cheery :) hence the vibrant color choice.

  I'm learning that as a stay at home mom living off of a very minimal disability check, there are still plenty of ways to engage my children without breaking the bank. As a matter of fact there are lots of ways with simple supplies you may just have on hand (which by the way I am all about because going to the store with two little kids is similar to trying to tame a wild beast).  I have successfully completed a whole bunch of activities with my almost 2 year old daughter and can't wait for my son to get to participate too.

  I have also realized in recent months that in order for your child to grow and truly experience the joys of life, you must control your parenting instincts. For example...I have recently started following some blogs through facebook that help me tap into my creative side and come up with brilliant ideas for my children...however some of these activities can be very messy. Maternal instinct is to avoid messy, primarily because I don't want to clean up messy LOL. But I have learned that messy is part of childhood and a childhood without the word messy would be boring as hell...which is just not exceptable.

   My daughter and I have done window art (very simple) which involves glue and I wasn't exactly certain I was making the best decision to do this activity because she wants to stick her hands in everything...but guess what...she survived and to be honest glue dries and peels right up so it wasn't really that messy at all. We just recently introduced play dough...I have some of the store bought stuff and I also started making my own...I thought this would go straight to her mouth but she didn't once try and eat it, pretty impressive. I have made her 5 different sensory bins...essentially designed to introduce her to different textures, colors, animals, and little toys.  They each usually end up being taken out multiple times throughout the day and the contents end up scattered all over the floor...but she LOVES them. These sensory bins have also given us an opportunity to teach her how to pick things up (still a work in progress but progress is good nontheless)...and what happens when she can't behave (no bins come out if she throws a fit when we have to put them away). Last night I introduced her to the light box...which I made myself thanks to another blog I found...thank goodness too because light boxes are a couple hundred dollars and I know very few mom's that can afford that...mine was easily 40$ possibly less (not exactly certain because I purchased other things with the stuff to make it). I made a set of alphabet letters, numbers 1-10, and shapes for it with colored plastic dividers which were also incredibly cheap. Then I made a "squishy bag" also from a blog...which is simply clear hair gel (entire bottle), a little food coloring and some glitter in a gallon ziplock bag...which looks awesome on the light box but would also work on just a regular table. Its designed to teach strokes and simply let them be creative, Makenzie thought it was fun to swirl her fingers on it.

  I am really enjoying these new experiences with her and watching how much she knows without being prompted. I've learned that sometimes messy is the best method to teaching and I'm learning to embrace the mess :)

  If you'd like to see some of the great ideas Play at Home Mom on facebook is a wonderful resource and pintrest is always a great option as well.

Reality is sinking in...

This may sound ridiculous because I've been diagnosed for almost a year and a half and have had the disease for almost 7 years...yet Tuesday it was like the reality of having this disease just hit me. I'm dealing with my entire life changing but it took my first injection to really make me realize this isn't a terrible dream I'm going to wake up from and be able to laugh about later. You want to see a full grown 25 year old baby...hand me a needle and tell me I have to stick myself with it. 7 years ago at the ripe age of 18 I signed a contract saying that if called upon I would defend my country even if it lead to my own death without even the slightest hesitation and yet some how that stupid needle has managed to get the best of me. You should have seen the show my tremors put on...try throwing a needle with a shaky hand. I am proud to say though that through the tears and shaky hand I DID IT!!! The disappointing part is I don't foresee this being any easier on me anytime soon. The fact that I know if it works I'll have to do it the rest of my life also doesn't make it easier. Permanent things like that are just not very easy to swallow. To add to my lack of motivation to do this once a week I was in the 49% of people who get really awesome flu like symptoms...seriously?!?! somehow I always manage to fall in the rarer situation...and I'm starting to realize that really isn't that cool. lol. All in all I'm praying that I will find the strength to do this once a week and that it will help. until next time...keep your chin up out there.

the cold hard truth...the things that you'd rather not say about MS

I am learning that there are a lot more ways this disease is going to effect me...some of which you just really don't want to even talk about...with anyone. Lately, I feel less in control of my body and my mood. I may want to do certain things but I find myself thinking about how long I'm going to pay for doing them. I having trouble relaxing...I'm exhausted both physically and mentally. I'm crying even more often than I already did (which is terrible because I cried a lot to begin with)...I'm doing this in the shower now to avoid awkward moments with my boyfriend and my beautiful one year old who worries herself sick when I even seem upset. I want to run from any intimate contact because no matter how bad I'd love it to happen...it hurts, and if it doesn't hurt too bad at the time, it will hurt after. I'm turning down things I love to do because of the consequences. I'm holding my son less than I held my daughter because my arms just can't handle it. Life has changed...and the cold hard truth is I'm struggling, but I feel like I shouldn't talk about it because in a way I'm embarrassed. These are things I shouldn't have a problem with yet...and facing that I do is tricky. Trying to hold my head high...

Walk MS Event 2012

  Today is the big day...a three mile walk to join the movement for a cure.  I am flattered by all the generous donations I received although I was kind of disappointed in the fact that only a small handful of people were willing to donate at all.  I am walking this walk today because I still can...I am walking because I will prove to my own body that no matter how much it wants to give up the spirit in me will NOT give up.  I am walking today for the people I have met along the way both before my diagnosis and after that also have MS and cannot walk it for themselves.  I am walking today for not just MS but all of the debilitating diseases out there that we still have no cures for and people are faced to suffer with day in and day out.  This event means the world to me and whether or not it actually makes a difference in being able to find a cure for the disease I will never know but I can at least say that I made an effort to do everything in my power to try and encourage that finding. 
  This disease may effect me physically but it effects the people I care most about emotionally and so my contributions and fundraising efforts have not just been to absolve myself of this disease but to also rid them of the hurt they feel for me as I am forced to struggle through it.  I am blessed with lots of support all of which I could never even begin to express enough gratitude for.  I have MS but I refuse to let MS have me.

~keep smiling out there...