So I received the call today to have my first month of treatment shipped. Oddly my stomach has been in knots since. Shots suck...I don't think there is a single person out there who'd disagree. However...MS sucks worse...so in order to slow down the progression of a really sucky disease, I have to give myself a just regular sucky shot. Part of me is thrilled because I am having the worst flare up yet and would absolutely love some relief...and part of me is scared shitless.
This past few weeks has been really hard for me. My legs and arms just really want to have a mind of their own. Frustration sets in not because of how its effecting me but how its effecting my children. Holding my son simply to feed him exhausts my arm to where it doesn't want to move and aches like I've been lifting weights that are way too heavy. This also effects my daughter because although she is a toddler she still wants mommy to hold her every once in awhile...and well lets face it, if I can't hold a 9 lb baby without ruining my arm for hours how am I supposed to hold a 24 lb toddler :( These are things that should come so easily and yet they come with more difficulty than I could have ever imagined. The other night was the worst its ever been. I was having to really really think to get my legs to move...and frankly that is just unacceptable. I have a brand new baby who needs to be fed in the middle of the night and when I can't get my legs to move properly how am I supposed to do that. I find myself crying a lot more lately because of it...it hurts both physically and emotionally. I want to be the best Mom I can be to my beautiful babies and I feel like they are at a disadvantage because of something completely out of my control. So...
Here is to hoping that I can be strong enough to give myself a shot and that it does what it should.
I will remain positive no matter how hard this gets...there is no other option.
:) Keep your chin up!
No comments:
Post a Comment